A year ago...

      Mason's due date was June 13th I remember because that was the day Mason got released from the NICU in Anchorage Alaska. 10 days after he was born. I have never been in a NICU so it was a real eye opener for me. Looking around there were these babies probably not even a 2 pounds so tiny, fragile with parents who couldn't hold them near by. I remember holding, and looking down at my almost 8 pound baby boy reminding myself I was lucky to be able to hold him. Compared to the other babies Mason looked like a healthy chunk and I felt we should of been put in a seperate room.
      I hated Mason being in the NICU but talking to nurses, doctors, and other parents I realized I was being rather selfish as some babies are there for MONTHS and some parents go home with no baby at all. When Mason and I first arrived to Anchorage Alaska in a private jet not knowing how long we were going to be in the hospital or what the future held I was scared and felt as if I was going through the motions knowing I had no control what was going to happen.
      One day when I was in the NICU there were nurses and doctors behind me one nurse said "We are going to crowd you for a second, we are waiting for a baby to be born."  I continued to watch the doctors put face masks, and gloves on and talking to one another in a serious tone. Just then the wall with a wooden panel behind me opened, the doctor handed off a baby fresh from the womb the doctor who received the baby had a towel was cleaning the baby off, and running in a  panic to the other end of the room, the baby was not crying.  The panel leading to the surgery room was cracked a little, looking behind me I saw the baby's mom on the table who just gave birth not knowing that when the baby was passed from one doctor to the next the baby did not take a breath. I held Mason a little tighter while my heart was breaking for this mom who was soon to find out the news. I lost a baby a year before having Mason and will never forget being told "there is no heart beat I will get the doctor to confirm your loss."
      The day I put Mason in his carseat, said goodbye to all the doctors, and nurses was like giving birth and holding my baby for the first time, it brought overwhelming joy and happiness.  I knew the adventure wasnt over but that door was finally closed!