Nursing my little man, rocking him I looked up and saw Masons doctor talking to his nurse, they started walking my way. The doctor didn't speak English well so when she started talking all i heard was " results,fish,and yes" I looked directly at my nurse with a confused look on my face and she repeated her and I heard what she said all to well. The nurse had trouble repeating the doctor, as she took a deep breath and her words slowly came out of her mouth. She said "We got Masons FISH test results back and they came back positive, Mason has Trisomy 21 or known as Down Syndrome."
I couldn't gather my thoughts my mind was racing. Tears rolling down my face, I held Mason a little tighter to my body, looking at this little man who I loved so much already. The doctor starts talking about Down Syndrome and all the care he will need, I only understood a third of what she was saying I told her I needed a minute. The doctor and nurse turned around. Trying to get it together but I couldn't help but worry about Masons future and couldn't stop the tears. Is he going to live a long life? Are people going to look at him different? Is he going to need to be cared for all his life? Is he ever going to get married? Have kids? Is he going to have health issues that could be fatal?
I put Mason in his Bassinet, told the nurse I needed to call my husband. Mike was able to fly to Anchorage with Dylan, they were in a hotel across town when I was delivered this news. I called Mike. He said "Hey sweetie" there was silence. I knew he was going to love his son either way but I couldn't get my mouth to say the words. He said to me "Whats wrong?" He heard me crying. I was able to spit out the words "The results" and he said "Were they positive?" I continued to cry. He figured out the answer to his question on his own. He told me we already talked about the what ifs and we were going to love our child the same. Like always he gave me the strength to get it together. I walked back down to the NICU and continued my talk with the doctor.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Off to Anchorage...off to the world of the unknown....
Kissing my husband, holding my 5 yr old tight I cried. Saying "see ya" to my boys was hard but I knew I had to be with Mason. My 5 year old (Dylan) got a chance to put a bear him and daddy bought for Mason in his incubator, and got to hold Masons hand and tell him to stay strong, and that he loved him!
Following my 2 day old in an incubator with a nurse practitioner and 2 assistance in jump suits walking down to the ambulance was more then I could fathom. The nurse practitioner started talking to me about Masons heart defect. Heart defect? Okay that's it I'm PISSED! No one said anything to me about a heart defect. The nurse continued to say "He has 2 small holes in his heart, the cardiologist is going to do an echo cardiogram on Mason when we get to Anchorage." I couldn't believe my ears. I was completely numb from head to toe hearing this for the first time.
In the ambulance the nurse continued to talk to me about Mason but to be honest I was so upset and my mind was racing I wasn't listening to a word she said. I was thinking " Down Syndrome I can handle, but a heart defect? Is this fatal? Am I going to be flying back home alone? I need my husband!"
Loading this small jet the nurse said "Today's your lucky day you get to sit in the princess chair."
She called it a "Princess chair" BC there was more room, and a bigger seat. Is this a joke, oh great the nurse got jokes! I don't want to be here and could care less about a "princess chair"! She was trying to lighten the mood, but I wasn't buying it. The plane was tiny. 2 seats in front of me and Mason on the right side in the incubator. Plane was loud and the 40 minute flight the nurse asked me a million questions that I have answered a million times. I couldn't be more annoyed at this point.
Landed in Anchorage, got in another ambulance and headed to the hospital. I sat in the front this time and the driver said "So what brings you to Anchorage?" I wasn't interested in the small talk. I stared out the window instead of answering him. What kind of question was that anyways!? When we got to the hospital they transferred Mason to another bed. Nurses, doctors, and the people from my flight stood around Mason talking about his "condition" I stood by and watched.
A social worker came, introduced herself and told me to follow her she was going to take me to a "mommy room" I had No idea what that was and could careless. She gave me a key, I opened the door and it looked like a college dorm. A twin size bed, an end table, an Armour with a small TV and a VHS player. I was right down the hall from Mason so I didn't care where I was staying. The nurse had told me to drop in and see Mason anytime I wanted didn't matter what time.
The doctors weren't sure how long we were going to be in Anchorage, could be days, could be weeks was all up to how fast Mason got better. Prayers and my husbands texts and phone calls helped me find the strength to put one foot in front of another. I felt alone in this small room, but knew I wasn't.
Following my 2 day old in an incubator with a nurse practitioner and 2 assistance in jump suits walking down to the ambulance was more then I could fathom. The nurse practitioner started talking to me about Masons heart defect. Heart defect? Okay that's it I'm PISSED! No one said anything to me about a heart defect. The nurse continued to say "He has 2 small holes in his heart, the cardiologist is going to do an echo cardiogram on Mason when we get to Anchorage." I couldn't believe my ears. I was completely numb from head to toe hearing this for the first time.
In the ambulance the nurse continued to talk to me about Mason but to be honest I was so upset and my mind was racing I wasn't listening to a word she said. I was thinking " Down Syndrome I can handle, but a heart defect? Is this fatal? Am I going to be flying back home alone? I need my husband!"
Loading this small jet the nurse said "Today's your lucky day you get to sit in the princess chair."
She called it a "Princess chair" BC there was more room, and a bigger seat. Is this a joke, oh great the nurse got jokes! I don't want to be here and could care less about a "princess chair"! She was trying to lighten the mood, but I wasn't buying it. The plane was tiny. 2 seats in front of me and Mason on the right side in the incubator. Plane was loud and the 40 minute flight the nurse asked me a million questions that I have answered a million times. I couldn't be more annoyed at this point.
Landed in Anchorage, got in another ambulance and headed to the hospital. I sat in the front this time and the driver said "So what brings you to Anchorage?" I wasn't interested in the small talk. I stared out the window instead of answering him. What kind of question was that anyways!? When we got to the hospital they transferred Mason to another bed. Nurses, doctors, and the people from my flight stood around Mason talking about his "condition" I stood by and watched.
A social worker came, introduced herself and told me to follow her she was going to take me to a "mommy room" I had No idea what that was and could careless. She gave me a key, I opened the door and it looked like a college dorm. A twin size bed, an end table, an Armour with a small TV and a VHS player. I was right down the hall from Mason so I didn't care where I was staying. The nurse had told me to drop in and see Mason anytime I wanted didn't matter what time.
The doctors weren't sure how long we were going to be in Anchorage, could be days, could be weeks was all up to how fast Mason got better. Prayers and my husbands texts and phone calls helped me find the strength to put one foot in front of another. I felt alone in this small room, but knew I wasn't.
Monday, June 20, 2011
"What Doctor? Did you just say Down Syndrome!? "
The nurse informed me that Mason was unable to keep his body temperature. They put him in this bed with a heater on top to keep Mason warm. She informed me that when babies are sick, have infection or something is wrong their temps go down instead of up. The doctor came in to talk to my husband and I. She told us they were having troubles putting an IV in Mason. They tried several different places and several times. They thought he had an infection so they were going to give him antibiotics but were unable to BC they couldn't put an IV in. She also told us that Mason not being able to keep his temp. up was concerning so they called a pediatrician from another hospital to come take a look at Mason.
I was worried, scared, and completely clueless to what all this meant as it was COMPLETELY new to me. I was sick, in pain, hooked up to antibiotics and pain killers so I slept a lot. I woke up, looked over to where Mason was and the pediatrician had Mason in his hands. Holding him, looking him over. turned his head to one side, then the next. He realized I woke up, came and introduced himself, went back over to Mason and continued to look him over. Of course I asked him if Mason was okay. The pediatrician continued to look him over picking up his arm,letting go and it fell to the bed. picking up his legs lifting them up, letting go and they fell to the bed also,(very floppy) he took a deep breath, and of course I have learned all to well he was about to deliver news I probably wouldn't be fond of and he said to me " I don't know if you know about Down Syndrome but your son is showing many soft markers of it."
Instant tears. I felt myself feeling sick. What kind of markers do you see? I asked him. He informed me that Mason had very low tone, a Palmer's crease on his left hand, his ears were very small and lower then "normal" and his eyes were almond shaped and flat above the nose he told me Mason not being able to maintain his body temp. was also another "soft marker"
I thought back when Mike and I flew to Anchorage and got a 3D done and how CONFIDENT the ultra sound tech was that our baby was completely healthy and we had nothing to worry about. So we didn't get the Amino done which would of given us 100 percent if he did or didn't have down syndrome. I wasn't sure who to believe at this point. Mike was bringing our 5 yr old to a friends so he wasn't with me when the pediatrician was giving me his thoughts and concerns. So I text ed him and said "Get up here ASAP : ( DOWN SYNDROME" I'm sure he wasn't fond of this text but I couldn't get my fingers to type anymore, I couldn't even think!
Mike got to the hospital at the time the pediatrician told me they were going to take Mason to the other hospital where they had a NICU, and they were also going to test Mason for Down Syndrome. It wasn't long before they took my baby off in an ambulance, and my husband followed him in our car leaving me sick, hooked up to an IV in a hospital bed feeling helpless.
Mike was gone for hours, and kept updating me through text messaging. They had hooked Mason up to a feeding tube, oxygen mask, IV (in his head), still in a heater bed, and hooked up to different monitors to keep tabs on everything. (oxygen level, heart beats, etc.)
The next evening (2 days after I was admitted to the hospital) I was discharged. We went straight to the hospital where Mason was. He had to stay under the oxygen so I was unable to hold him. Was the worst feeling seeing your baby hooked up and there was nothing you could do. After standing next to him for hours, holding his little fingers, praying, and talking to him, we went home to get some rest so we could come back the next morning. Bright and early we went in, They moved him to an incubator and the first thing the nurse asked was would you like to hold him. I couldn't grab my baby fast enough to cover him in mommy kisses. After long visits we would go home, call the nurse for regular check ups and come back in. The nurses kept informing us that he was doing great. He had ways to go but he was fine. As sugar coated as it sounded I wanted to believe them.
The next day (Monday morning) we went into visit him, we held him, asked how he was doing and the nurse once again told us he was doing good. We were getting ready to leave when the doctor came into talk to us. She told us that they had concerns and he would need to be flown to Seattle Washington. She told us that I would fly on the life light with him and we could be there for 2 or more weeks.
Instant tears, instant anger What are they not telling us? The nurse said he was fine! Now he has to fly to Seattle? Life light? She told me we would leave in a few hours. My husband and I hurried home to pack my bags. I packed a shirt, and a couple pairs of pants in this big suit case. I couldn't even concentrate let alone pack a suitcase. Mike came in, looked at my suitcase and said I will help you, everything will be okay Stacy butt. At this point I wanted to believe him but I didn't. I sat on the bed watching my husband add shampoo, conditioner, more clothes, etc to my suitcase. We loaded it in the car, I continued to cry as I had NO idea what to expect next.
The doctor called me and said she talked to the pediatrician and specialist in Anchorage Alaska, and in Seattle Washington and they decided BC Mason was hooked up and reliant to the oxygen and heat that it was safer to travel to Anchorage. She told me Mason and I would be leaving in 2 hours.
I have never been so scared!
I was worried, scared, and completely clueless to what all this meant as it was COMPLETELY new to me. I was sick, in pain, hooked up to antibiotics and pain killers so I slept a lot. I woke up, looked over to where Mason was and the pediatrician had Mason in his hands. Holding him, looking him over. turned his head to one side, then the next. He realized I woke up, came and introduced himself, went back over to Mason and continued to look him over. Of course I asked him if Mason was okay. The pediatrician continued to look him over picking up his arm,letting go and it fell to the bed. picking up his legs lifting them up, letting go and they fell to the bed also,(very floppy) he took a deep breath, and of course I have learned all to well he was about to deliver news I probably wouldn't be fond of and he said to me " I don't know if you know about Down Syndrome but your son is showing many soft markers of it."
Instant tears. I felt myself feeling sick. What kind of markers do you see? I asked him. He informed me that Mason had very low tone, a Palmer's crease on his left hand, his ears were very small and lower then "normal" and his eyes were almond shaped and flat above the nose he told me Mason not being able to maintain his body temp. was also another "soft marker"
I thought back when Mike and I flew to Anchorage and got a 3D done and how CONFIDENT the ultra sound tech was that our baby was completely healthy and we had nothing to worry about. So we didn't get the Amino done which would of given us 100 percent if he did or didn't have down syndrome. I wasn't sure who to believe at this point. Mike was bringing our 5 yr old to a friends so he wasn't with me when the pediatrician was giving me his thoughts and concerns. So I text ed him and said "Get up here ASAP : ( DOWN SYNDROME" I'm sure he wasn't fond of this text but I couldn't get my fingers to type anymore, I couldn't even think!
Mike got to the hospital at the time the pediatrician told me they were going to take Mason to the other hospital where they had a NICU, and they were also going to test Mason for Down Syndrome. It wasn't long before they took my baby off in an ambulance, and my husband followed him in our car leaving me sick, hooked up to an IV in a hospital bed feeling helpless.
Mike was gone for hours, and kept updating me through text messaging. They had hooked Mason up to a feeding tube, oxygen mask, IV (in his head), still in a heater bed, and hooked up to different monitors to keep tabs on everything. (oxygen level, heart beats, etc.)
The next evening (2 days after I was admitted to the hospital) I was discharged. We went straight to the hospital where Mason was. He had to stay under the oxygen so I was unable to hold him. Was the worst feeling seeing your baby hooked up and there was nothing you could do. After standing next to him for hours, holding his little fingers, praying, and talking to him, we went home to get some rest so we could come back the next morning. Bright and early we went in, They moved him to an incubator and the first thing the nurse asked was would you like to hold him. I couldn't grab my baby fast enough to cover him in mommy kisses. After long visits we would go home, call the nurse for regular check ups and come back in. The nurses kept informing us that he was doing great. He had ways to go but he was fine. As sugar coated as it sounded I wanted to believe them.
The next day (Monday morning) we went into visit him, we held him, asked how he was doing and the nurse once again told us he was doing good. We were getting ready to leave when the doctor came into talk to us. She told us that they had concerns and he would need to be flown to Seattle Washington. She told us that I would fly on the life light with him and we could be there for 2 or more weeks.
Instant tears, instant anger What are they not telling us? The nurse said he was fine! Now he has to fly to Seattle? Life light? She told me we would leave in a few hours. My husband and I hurried home to pack my bags. I packed a shirt, and a couple pairs of pants in this big suit case. I couldn't even concentrate let alone pack a suitcase. Mike came in, looked at my suitcase and said I will help you, everything will be okay Stacy butt. At this point I wanted to believe him but I didn't. I sat on the bed watching my husband add shampoo, conditioner, more clothes, etc to my suitcase. We loaded it in the car, I continued to cry as I had NO idea what to expect next.
The doctor called me and said she talked to the pediatrician and specialist in Anchorage Alaska, and in Seattle Washington and they decided BC Mason was hooked up and reliant to the oxygen and heat that it was safer to travel to Anchorage. She told me Mason and I would be leaving in 2 hours.
I have never been so scared!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The Big Day
Mike "I'm taking you into the emergency room!"
Me "noooo I'm in pain bc I'm uncomfortable, I'm gonna run a bath and I will be fine"
I realized as I was running the bath water that this could be the day. The pain got unbearable I turned the water off and screamed for Mike. He came running upstairs and I said "GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL!!!"
Mike, Dylan and I went to the ER. At this point I couldn't even walk so Mike got a wheel chair for me.
The nurse hooked me up to monitors, asked me a million questions then checked me. My doctor came in and told me I was dilated to 2 and needed to be at a 5 for them to admit me. The more we talked the closer my contractions got, the doctor looked at my monitor for my contractions and said let me take a look, so she checked me.(10 minutes after the nurse checked me) The doctor said your baby is ready to come out, you are at a 5. Lets get you to the delivery room. I looked at Mike like "OH SHIT THIS IS GOING TO HURT!"
I told mike to bring our 5 yr old to our friends house. My 5 year old squealed with excitement as he knew he was going to be a big brother very soon!
The nurse and I walked down the hall which seemed like the LONGEST hall EVER! I had to stop for several contractions.I did everything in my power to not scream in the hallway I was in so much pain. I told my nurse when we got to the room I had to go to the bathroom. She told me if I had the urge to push, DON'T push. I tried to go to the bathroom but I couldn't. I was pacing around the room waiting for my doctor.I started having this urge to push so I screamed for my nurse and said " I HAVE TO PUSH!!!!!"
She called the doctor in, told me to lay down. At that point Mike walked in the door. As the doctor checked me she said "Your at a 10 lets HAVE THIS BABY!!!" Sooo many emotions running through my head. My delivery was going so quickly the nurse didn't have anything ready so when I began to push she was putting an iv in my hand. The pain was so unbearable but drugs was not an option bc my baby was ready to come OUT!
If you have delivered a baby you know this is the part where your nurse and doctor turn into cheerleaders! "Your doing GREAT." "Another big push, your doing awesome Stacy" "Don't forget to breathe, your doing excellent here's his head"
It took 2 great big pushes and out was our baby boy in less then an hour. I held my baby and cried thinking " I DID IT, HES PERFECT!"
10:42 am 7lbs, 15 oz 19 inches long Lots of dark brown hair and bright blue eyes.
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