Coping takes time

      When looking at a positive pregnancy test and hearing the doctor say "Congratulations your pregnant!" Its almost instant the thoughts and dreams about all the things your child is going to do, experience, what your child is going to look like, the person he or she will become. The thoughts about the first football game, going on vacations, wedding and grand kids. One word can change those thoughts and dreams in an instant, Downsyndrome is the word, all those things you look forward to now become a question if those things are actually going to happen. Excitement quickly turns to worry and realization on how different your life is soon going to become.
      I find myself more often then not looking online, reading questions from expecting mothers who have the "scare" of downsyndrome through their pregnancy. One that stuck out to me and I think about often was a lady asking if she should do testings through her pregnancy to know for sure if her child will or will not have Downsyndrome. She carried on and said things like "I will keep the baby either way but I want to be able to cope with the result if the baby does have Downsyndrome before he or she is born."
      I remember the sleepless nights, endless research and constant worry through my pregnancy when I wasn't a 100% sure either way. I thought if I did do the test (amino) I could be a little more at ease if the results were negative. After knowing there was even a slight chance of a miscarriage through this test we chose to wait.
      The word that stuck out to me and continues to do so is COPE. She said "I want to be able to cope if the results are positive before he or she arrives" If only it was that quick and easy. I suppose once you found out your child was in fact going to be born with Downsyndrome you could better prepare yourself. Preparations as far as knowledge, the right doctors, therapist, and having the right support system around you. My son is almost two years old and I find myself still coping with the fact that my child doesn't do or like the same things as other kids his age, that my days home with him aren't about play dates coloring and parks but are more often about therapies and constant teaching.
      When my son is curled up in bed for nap or goes to sleep early because hes exhausted not from playing, or running around but because he cried extra hard from his RSV shots he gets once a month, or he had two therapies in a day, or he spent 2 hours at the cardiology appointment getting monitored and hooked up to machines. Those are the times I look back at the positive pregnancy test and visions I had in my head and realized that is not my reality, and that coping is not a day or two thing.