Friday, February 18, 2011
Journey of Mason: Journey of Mason
Journey of Mason: Journey of Mason: " My husband is in the military and was in the field training for a week. I felt sick the last few days while he was gone, and re..."
Journey of Mason
My husband is in the military and was in the field training for a week. I felt sick the last few days while he was gone, and realized I was behind on my period. One evening after dinner I took a pregnancy test it didn't take long to show a positive result. Tears filled my eyes with excitement and worry. A year before I had miscarried at 14 weeks and that was by far the worst thing I had went through. So of course that's where the fear came in. The excitement was I had waited yrs to get pregnant again and my 5 yr old would pray every night for a baby brother or sister.I told my 5 yr old (Dylan) he was going to be a big brother, he was sooo excited, he hugged me and we started dancing in the kitchen!
I was to excited I couldn't wait for my husband to come home from the field so I text ed him. At first only worries, then eventually he showed excitement! He encouraged me not to announce our pregnancy until the second trimester bc while it was hard on us the year before it was hard on our families as well. I completely understood, but couldn't help but want to shout it to the world! I was hoping for the best.
We get to our 19 weeks and had an ultrasound scheduled to find the sex of our baby. Of course it brought back memories of the year before when I was looking at the ultrasound screen and the words from my nurse "there is no heartbeat, I will get your doctor to confirm your loss" came to mind.
But I saw this baby moving around, full of color. WHEW! What a relief!The lady had told us we were having a little boy. I always wanted a girl but at this point a baby with a heartbeat was fine by me.
I noticed our nurse kept taking several pictures of the heart, and brain. I asked her if everything was okay and she said she couldn't say. She told me she would be right back It was at that point I became worried she brought in another nurse. I asked them if everything was okay and one of them had told me some measurements were off. I kept prying, She told me the thickness in the back of the neck was thicker then it was supposed to be and the femur bone was measuring smaller. I was clueless what this meant. So I continued to pry. She told me the specialist would take a look at my ultrasound pictures and my doctor would get a hold of me. It was very quiet and uncomfortable in the room from then on. After being in there for 2 and half hours we were done.
Mike and I agreed we would search the Internet when we got home. We stopped to get gas and I couldn't wait. I took out my blackberry and typed in thickness on back of neck measuring thick, and femur bones measuring smaller. My screen filled up with Down syndrome information. Tears rolled down my face instantly with fears of Masons health.
Mike got in the car and looked at me and said "what is the matter" I handed him my phone told him I typed in those 2 things the nurse told us. It was a quiet car ride home.He didn't say anything. Before we even took our coats and shoes off we went straight to the computer again the screen filled up with Down Syndrome. Mike kissed me said he was going to go take a shower and he said nothing. I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer, and I got a text message. It was from my husband it said " I love you, everything will be fine, and no matter what we will love him the same."
Talking to my friends, and reading blogs everyone made me feel like I was over reacting and Mason was going to be fine. I couldn't keep my eyes off the computer as I spent hours reading blogs, looking at down syndrome pictures, and looking at medical sites for DS. I had a doctors appointment 2 weeks later, a day after my husband left for training in California. As I pulled up at the clinic I sat in my car, cried and prayed. I couldn't get my feet to move one in front of another because I knew something was wrong. Before my doctor could say her name I asked her about the ultrasound pictures. She read off my chart and said there is a note here that says you are to be seen in Anchorage and set up for an amino test Immediately. She read off 3 things that were "markers" of down syndrome. Increased nuchal translucency, shortened femur length, and Choroid plexus cysts. Instant tears, I was hoping to hear some reassurance like " these could be wrong, everything could be fine." but she didn't. no reassurance at all.
I called my husband crying, he felt bad bc he was in California, and I had to fly to Anchorage alone with no support, all my family is in Iowa, and I was in Alaska. He talked to his sergeant told him what the doctor said and he was trying to get him to come home. Since it was only tests and Mike was getting ready to deploy to a war zone he was not granted that permission to fly home bc he needed the training. I completely understood. Although I wanted him here I also wanted him to have the training so he came home safe from Afghanistan.
We talked about the amino test there was 2 different opinions. I wanted to know so I could be prepared and if there was health issues, Mason would have to be born in Anchorage and that would be good to know in advance. Mike doesn't want me to do the test bc there was a risk of miscarriage, we were going to love Mason either way, and he doesn't want me to be alone.
This is where we are now. Mike is in California and I am waiting to get my arrangements to fly to Anchorage. I still want to do the amino (a long needle that goes under your belly button and gets amino fluid) but Mike and I agreed I would do a 4D ultrasound first, if it was still questionable i would sit down and talk to the doctor and decide whats best. I'm still not sure what I am going to do.
I was to excited I couldn't wait for my husband to come home from the field so I text ed him. At first only worries, then eventually he showed excitement! He encouraged me not to announce our pregnancy until the second trimester bc while it was hard on us the year before it was hard on our families as well. I completely understood, but couldn't help but want to shout it to the world! I was hoping for the best.
We get to our 19 weeks and had an ultrasound scheduled to find the sex of our baby. Of course it brought back memories of the year before when I was looking at the ultrasound screen and the words from my nurse "there is no heartbeat, I will get your doctor to confirm your loss" came to mind.
But I saw this baby moving around, full of color. WHEW! What a relief!The lady had told us we were having a little boy. I always wanted a girl but at this point a baby with a heartbeat was fine by me.
I noticed our nurse kept taking several pictures of the heart, and brain. I asked her if everything was okay and she said she couldn't say. She told me she would be right back It was at that point I became worried she brought in another nurse. I asked them if everything was okay and one of them had told me some measurements were off. I kept prying, She told me the thickness in the back of the neck was thicker then it was supposed to be and the femur bone was measuring smaller. I was clueless what this meant. So I continued to pry. She told me the specialist would take a look at my ultrasound pictures and my doctor would get a hold of me. It was very quiet and uncomfortable in the room from then on. After being in there for 2 and half hours we were done.
Mike and I agreed we would search the Internet when we got home. We stopped to get gas and I couldn't wait. I took out my blackberry and typed in thickness on back of neck measuring thick, and femur bones measuring smaller. My screen filled up with Down syndrome information. Tears rolled down my face instantly with fears of Masons health.
Mike got in the car and looked at me and said "what is the matter" I handed him my phone told him I typed in those 2 things the nurse told us. It was a quiet car ride home.He didn't say anything. Before we even took our coats and shoes off we went straight to the computer again the screen filled up with Down Syndrome. Mike kissed me said he was going to go take a shower and he said nothing. I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer, and I got a text message. It was from my husband it said " I love you, everything will be fine, and no matter what we will love him the same."
Talking to my friends, and reading blogs everyone made me feel like I was over reacting and Mason was going to be fine. I couldn't keep my eyes off the computer as I spent hours reading blogs, looking at down syndrome pictures, and looking at medical sites for DS. I had a doctors appointment 2 weeks later, a day after my husband left for training in California. As I pulled up at the clinic I sat in my car, cried and prayed. I couldn't get my feet to move one in front of another because I knew something was wrong. Before my doctor could say her name I asked her about the ultrasound pictures. She read off my chart and said there is a note here that says you are to be seen in Anchorage and set up for an amino test Immediately. She read off 3 things that were "markers" of down syndrome. Increased nuchal translucency, shortened femur length, and Choroid plexus cysts. Instant tears, I was hoping to hear some reassurance like " these could be wrong, everything could be fine." but she didn't. no reassurance at all.
I called my husband crying, he felt bad bc he was in California, and I had to fly to Anchorage alone with no support, all my family is in Iowa, and I was in Alaska. He talked to his sergeant told him what the doctor said and he was trying to get him to come home. Since it was only tests and Mike was getting ready to deploy to a war zone he was not granted that permission to fly home bc he needed the training. I completely understood. Although I wanted him here I also wanted him to have the training so he came home safe from Afghanistan.
We talked about the amino test there was 2 different opinions. I wanted to know so I could be prepared and if there was health issues, Mason would have to be born in Anchorage and that would be good to know in advance. Mike doesn't want me to do the test bc there was a risk of miscarriage, we were going to love Mason either way, and he doesn't want me to be alone.
This is where we are now. Mike is in California and I am waiting to get my arrangements to fly to Anchorage. I still want to do the amino (a long needle that goes under your belly button and gets amino fluid) but Mike and I agreed I would do a 4D ultrasound first, if it was still questionable i would sit down and talk to the doctor and decide whats best. I'm still not sure what I am going to do.
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